


We're all in this together.

by koreabooeauty



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bonding, Childhood Friends, Christine is only mentioned in the first one, F/F, Filipino Michael Mell, Fluff, Jeremy heere gets a boner, Kid chapter, M/M, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Pining, Stuttering Jeremy Heere, clink clink bitch, fifth chapter is me pushing my feeling on jerm, lost teeth, sorry dude its sad hours, will continue adding tags as I post more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:35:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22175512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koreabooeauty/pseuds/koreabooeauty
Summary: This is a drabble thing that I’m hoping will have more1. Jeremy finds comfort in giving massages, especially to his best friend. He doesn’t like getting them so much, but he still let his friend return the favor, it’s just too bad how it ends.2. Chloe has never been good at letting down her guard, not when she's been hurt so many times before, not when everyone in the world is against her. Besides Brooke. It's always besides her.3. Jeremy deals with panic attacks, he doesn't deal with them well obviously, he's Jeremy. If there's one person who knows how to deal with trauma, it's Rich. Also they have a sleepover and Jake is chaotic.4. Jeremiah Heere is in second grade. He has no friends, and his teeth have fallen out. Not all of them, but still! Six teeth is a lot, especially when it's the front ones. The only boy willing to talk to him is the one in the red jacket, who also goes to his speech classes.5. How does a human become a shell of the person they used to be? A look on Jeremy's state of mind and how he functions. (he doesn't.)
Relationships: Brooke Lohst/Chloe Valentine, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Comments: 2
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaa I also posted this on amino with another ending so if you’re here from there, surprise? I hope you enjoy! Kudos are appreciated and I adore comments! Yes this title is from HSM, it might change i dont know anymoree

Soft fingers barely grazing the tanned skin that lied under it. 

Jeremy wasn’t great at giving massages, his movements was awkward and sometimes he zoned out and his fingers would linger for too long. 

But when his finger pads danced across tanned shoulder blades, he was the best Michael had felt. 

The two of them had made this a ritual between them since they were little. When Michael wasn’t diagnosed with Anxiety and Jeremy was newly diagnosed with ADD. 

Jeremy would sit on Michael’s bed, and then sometimes on the edge of his beanbag chair. Michael sitting in front of him, either on the floor or sometimes on the edge of his bed. 

They’d begun jokingly, Jeremy laughing as he pushed Michael onto the floor before dramatically sitting on the bed. 

“Mutiny! Blasphemy! I won’t stand for this!” 

Michael yelled, his brown eyes staring up at Jeremy, the hidden smile barely concealed by his words. 

“Good thing you’re sitting, dumbass.”

Jeremy sneered, gently grabbing the Filipino male by the shoulders to make him face the front. 

The two would mock each other as Jeremy let his fingers run over the tense muscles that Michael had accumulated. 

Their talking and laughter would die down as Jeremy would focus on lifting the tension that had gathered in Michael. 

Michael on the other hand, would try to avoid letting out moans, already well aware that this was crossing the “no homo” rules he’d made in his mind when he came out to Jeremy. 

Rule one: don’t make the brunette uncomfortable. 

It was hard to follow, his best friend lived on the edge of anxiety and discomfort. But he tried to alleviate the ever growing void that resides in his friend. 

Rule two: don’t tell his friend his feelings. 

There were only two rules, yet it was the hardest thing he’d ever been through. 

He so badly wanted to turn around and kiss the pale teen, let his own fingers meet Jeremiah’s freckles. He wanted to count eyelashes, stare into blue eyes that made his stomach do somersaults. 

But he didn’t. 

He sat and let Jeremy do this for him. Even though this hurt mentally more that his back ever could physically. 

That the boy he loved was so close, yet so far. 

So out of reach when pale fingers glided over familiar red cloth. 

Rule two, rule two, rule two. An ongoing chant, the thing he held onto to help him keep grounded. 

“Am I hurting you?”

Jeremy’s soft voiced question was the only thing that pulled him out of the chanting. 

“No, you’re doing great, Mahal.” 

Without looking, Michael knew that Jeremy was shyly beaming at the praise. 

He hadn’t hurt Michael doing this since they were children, it was a learning experience but like in most things that had to do with the Filipino teen, Jeremy took it in stride. 

The nickname was new, was gained after the squip. In the things they had lost, Jeremy was glad this wasn’t one of them. 

He didn’t know what it meant, never got around to asking, he’d wait until Michael told him. 

So they sat in silence. Until Jeremy let his hands fall from soft skin to his own jeans. The aftermath was the hardest thing to do, it had been since they’d turned teens. 

But tonight was the first time since the squipcident, was when they shared a quiet moment that made them think that things would get better. 

As moonlight shined onto Jeremy’s face, them sharing sheepish smiles, only one thought rung out in Michael’s head. 

Screw rule two. 

-

The tradition had carried on, the two finding time for each other, pale fingers digging into tanned skin to release built up frustrations. 

Weeks turned to months and soon it was summer. Too hot for the hoodies or cardigans that they both wore, yet daily they still put them on. As if it were armor that would protect them. 

Invitations to beaches or pool parties were refused politely, even when it was Christine who pleaded with the two. 

So two days before Michael was scheduled to leave for his annual trip to the Philippines, they found themselves lying on the hardwood floor of the basement. 

It was the hottest room in the house. They could’ve gone upstairs but that meant they could’ve been walked in on. So instead they were content melting into puddles. 

It was only then that Michael offered something that he’d thought of before, but had never followed through. 

“Do you want me to do it?” 

They both knew what he was speaking of, and that’s what made Jeremy stumble over his words, made his face flush in embarrassment that Michael wouldn’t comment on. 

“N-no! It’s okay! D-don’t worry, Micah.”

Jeremy’s use of the nickname his moms used made Michael’s heart soar, it was the soft pleading that made his curiosity grow. 

“I always worry about you, miah. You’re my friend.”

The two shared a bashful smile, that was cut off when Jeremy’s gaze dropped to the floor. A sigh racked through his lean body, nearly making Michael interrupt his freckled friend. 

“O-okay.”

A soft, nervous smile from Jeremy was all Michael needed to pull himself to a sitting position. 

Jeremy slowly did the same, sitting cautiously in front of Michael. Removing his pale blue cardigan, folding it messily before pausing with his fingers curled around the edges of his plain shirt. 

“Y-you sure?”

Jeremy asked, giving Michael and out, as if the tanned male wasn’t ready to do anything the pale teen wanted. 

“Positive.”

When Michael nodded, Jeremy slowly took off the shirt. Letting pale shoulders be introduced to the moonlight that shimmered through the only window in the basement. 

When the light twinkled upon pale scars that looked like electricity, Michael was carful not to gasp. Was careful not to let his fingers linger, to not press his lips to them and murmur soft words to his friend. 

The tension in Jeremy’s shoulders slowly went away, leaking out gracefully until Jeremy was practically in his lap. 

It was silent until a soft whimper fell from Jeremy’s lips, making Michael pause. 

It took a moment before Michael realized that it hadn’t been from pain. 

It took another for Jeremy to cover his face with his hands and slink off of Michael. 

It was one more before Michael realized what was going on. 

“O-oh! Do you w-wanna go to the bathroom to take care of that?”

Jeremy shook his head quickly, unable to keep his hands over his flushed face whilst he nervously fiddled with his leg. 

“No! I-I’m okay! I don’t do that anymore, I just need t-time.”

Jeremy’s pink hue grew much more vibrant, peeking through his hands to see Michael’s amused expression. 

“Okay.”

So the two sat, far enough away that they weren’t touching but close enough that if Michael leaned in they’d be face to face.

They’d be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> has child abuse in the first paragraph. Cursing also.

»»——⍟——««

The first time she ever finds her heart breaking, she’s eight years old. She’s missing her front two teeth, has her brown hair in ponytails and is in a fancy dress.

Her fathers bright red hand print on her left cheek matches her ruby shoes she had slept next to last night.

Tears rush down her face and the study is silent as her siblings watch her cry, taunting her ruthlessly as she was told to shut up.

That’s when the first wall went up, it was made of cardboard and hastily glued together. Made hastily and was filled with innocence, hoping that people would leave it alone.

»»——⍟——««

The next time her heart feels like it’s breaking into pieces, she’s sixteen. Her long brown hair is curled perfectly and falls messily against her perfectly picked outfit, she’s perfect. She has to be.

Brooke leans against a locker, a boy with cinnamon colored hair is charming her as Chloe stands, silently watching.

Her friend is infatuated, twirling soft blonde hair that Chloe dreams of kissing around her pointer finger.

Brooke giggles.

Chloe’s heart shatters and her heart makes preparations to move into a guarded apartment.

»»——⍟——««

She’s thirty four the next time she feels like her heart might give out on her. She’s cut off her chocolate long locks and traded them for shaved sides, wearing ruby red lipstick that makes her unapproachable. She wears heels that make her nearly 6’4.

Brooke stumbles into the bar Chloe owns haphazardly, clearly drunk enough. The first thing she realizes when her friend promptly sits at a stool.

The two have a stare down before Chloe turns away, filling a cup with water and giving it to her friend.

Her ring finger is void of the band that used to call it home,the one Chloe had spent years hating and had torn herself to shred of not being able to adorn her in enough jewelry to call Brooke hers.

Chloe’s heart breaks for someone else, but for the first time, it doesn’t strengthen its walls.

»»——⍟——««

Chloe is ninety two. Her brown hair has faded to silver, always neatly done in braid. Not that she did it herself.

Her heart doesn’t break, she’s much too old for it to do that. Instead it grows whenever she sees her Brooke do something. Even if it just feeding the birds at the park, or paint a picture of the sunflowers they grew in the garden.

They wear slippers instead of heels, and their days of wearing dresses have passed. Instead they wear pajamas and whisper that the other one looks beautiful.

Chloe’s heart never takes down its walls, never goes out of its guarded apartment. Doesn’t need to.

Not when Brooke Valentines heart has been next to it since the day they met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This also has a moodboard that goes along with it! I'll add a link to it once i can but enjoy this for now.


	3. Chapter 3

Jeremiah Heere’s closet was filled with clothes that didn’t belong to him, in fact that took up more space then the clothes that did. 

He didn’t set out to being a clothes fiend, it just sort of happened. It was an easy way to ground himself, that he was past the SQUIP. 

His friends didn’t understand, but they still would shrug off sweaters, scrunches, or hats and adorn Jeremy with them. As if the cinnamon haired teen was a Christmas tree, his friends would gather and dress him in various fabrics. Often taking pictures during the mayhem. 

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

“What’s up, tall ass?” 

Rich’s voice projected through the empty hall, bouncing off paint stricken walls and dented lockers before ringing in his ears. 

Even if the tone was friendly, even though the smile on his face wasn’t menacing, didn’t look like the shorter male had too much teeth, Jeremy’s blood ran cold and he was frozen to his spot. 

He couldn’t help the tears that had bubbled out of his eyes, unable to wipe them away when his body was going against his wishes. 

What was breathing like? Jeremy had forgotten had to do it. His lungs screamed for oxygen but his brain supplied it with anxiety, uncaring that if he ignored his lungs wishes, he’d have an asthma attack. 

“Jeremy?”

His bones felt like jelly. His head was heavy and everything felt like it was underwater. 

“Jere?” 

Was he sitting on the floor? Something felt cold underneath him. Was he inhaling? Could the air he’d taken in be his last one, would he go out while crying on the floor of his high school? 

“Babe, you’re kinda scaring me.” 

The worry in Rich’s voice was what made Jeremy wade through the murky water that tried to drown him. Eventually until the water seemed much more like a puddle then the ocean he thought he was trapped in. 

But what helped more than Rich sitting with him during his panic attack, was the dirty blonde male shrugging off his jacket and laying it over Jeremy’s lap. 

It took a while still, but as Jeremy’s fingers grasped the soft insides of the sweater, let his head lay on Rich’s shoulder, he was okay. 

“C- Christine is gonna be so u- upset we skipped rehearsal.” 

Rich snickered, his head making a dull thump as he let it hit it. 

“Christine can shove a script up her -“

“Rich! No! What the hell!”

Jeremy giggled as he scolded Rich, knowing that while the older probably thought that, it was mostly for him. 

He was okay. 

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ 

Halloween became a rough time for the group, Michael tried to cling onto everyone, Jeremy grew anxious and dazed which made everyone else worry. 

They were all messes, which didn’t help fix anyone’s problems. Jeremy could be found attached to Michael’s side, typically the two would be linked by their pinkies, enough to ground them but not to get homophobic comments tossed at them by their show of affection. 

It had been decided that they’d gather at Chloe’s house, her parents were out and she lived in a gated community so she wouldn’t have any trick or treaters. 

There wasn’t any costumes, instead they all wore pajamas, or in Rich’s case, his jeans and a hoodie because he loathed the idea of changing into other clothes just to put on normal ones again. 

Brooke has gotten Chloe to let her put on Christmas movies, so they all sat around the TV, watching Rise of the guardians after ELF finished. 

Jeremy’s pajamas consisted of a t-shirt and a cardigan, a light blue one he found on at sale at k-mart. Michael wore a matching shirt, wearing shorts that were barely long enough to cover him Minecraft boxers that Jeremy already laughed at him for. 

As the movie progressed, the teens grew rowdy, mostly due to jake saying that he used to swallow his teeth that fell out so the tooth fairy wouldn’t take them. 

Understandably, Rich had claimed they were breaking up, before Christine brought up the fact that he probably swallowed some of his own before knowing him. Rich was now crying, holding his mouth and begging them to never leave. 

Jenna was videoing it, giggling as brooke tried to comfort him. Jake was sulking on the couch, pouting as Christine scolded him. 

Chloe sent a look at Jeremy, who was silently laughing, trying not to move as Michael had fallen asleep on his shoulder. 

Jeremy sheepishly smiled, laughing quietly as the brunette rolled her eyes dramatically. 

They were all going to be okay.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's nearly three in the morning but golly gee i wanted to write a kidfic and who better to project onto the Jeremiah Heere? Okay, so I imagine Michael was born in America, then taken to the Philippines, only to come back right before second grade. His mom, Nadia is an author and she wanted to write about where her wife was born so they moved. It got published and they moved back! His mama, Rosa, is a doctor, so they're well off, enough to spoil Michael!! Jeremy's family life is already rough and if I ever want to continue to world, I might do the stages of their friendship?

Little Jeremiah Heere was a sight to be seen. Typically wearing mismatched colors, his hair looking like he'd never heard of a comb, but the one thing that made him stick out the most?

His missing teeth. 

Sure, most kids his age had their own little gaps. Pockets where they could slide their tongue through, maybe even whistle through the hole. But Jeremy was missing six teeth. 

His four front ones fell out the day after the others, two canines the next. His mom had taken him to the dentist on the weekend, Jeremy didn't even complain! 

The dentist said it was just his baby teeth falling out, nothing they could do. Part of growing up.

So that's how the day started. 

Jeremy now sitting on the sidewalk Monday afternoon as all the other kids ran around, his head in his hands as he sulked. He'd been chastised by his teacher for refusing to speak. He barely spoke before his teeth fell out anyway!

He was being punished for it, forced to sit during recess. Jeremy was a good kid, he'd never has to sit out before. Usually he just walked around but just knowing that someone thought he was naughty made his lip quiver.

He wouldn't cry though. Mom said crying was for girls, and Jeremy isn't a girl. 

His thoughts were interrupted when a kid sat next to him. Just by the sight of the red jacket, Jeremy knew it was Michael. Not Michael Borg, the bully in his class, but Michael Mell who was new to school and didn't speak English well.

Neither did Jeremy. They both went to speech classes. 

"You okay?"

Michael had all of his teeth. Neatly lined up and perfect. Even when the cinnamon haired boy had his teeth, they were crooked. Jeremy pouted, bottom lip jutting out at Michael. 

He nodded anyway. It wasn't like he could explain what was going on. 

"Does your throat hurt?"

Michael asked, whispering as if he had to be quiet because Jeremy was silent. 

He shook his head, rolling his eyes. Michael was probably the closest person he could call a friend. The others didn't like him very much, because he stumbled over his words and he spoke a lot when he was nervous. That wouldn't be a problem anymore though, since he was never speaking again.

"Do you wanna play on my gameboy? I have pokemon."

Jeremy nodded again, excited. His dad gave him one for Chanukah but him mom took it away, saying video games were too violent. Jeremy didn't wanna play by the time they were done fighting that night.

Michael sneakily pulled it out of his pocket and passed it to Jeremy, avoiding the Teachers gaze. Jeremy put in between his legs, so Michael could see it but it was hidden to the best he could. 

The freckled boy played, getting into a battle and demolishing the other trainer with Michael's Charizard. The two played quietly, barely managing to keep their laughing to a minimum when Jeremy accidentally blinded Michael with the reflection on the screen. 

When the bell rang, they quickly shoved it back into Michael's pocket, putting on the best innocent faces when their teacher looked over at them to tell them to line up. 

"Why aren't ya speaking?"

If they were in speech, Michael would be reprimanded for not using his words correctly. Thankfully their teacher was till gathering the rest of the second graders. 

"Promise you won't laugh?"

Jeremy asked, staring at the ground so Michael couldn't see.

"Promise!"

Michael whispered, eyebrows furrowed as he nodded, taking this promise very seriously. 

Jeremy shakily grinned, showing off the gaps in his usual crooked smile. He watched Michael's face as he did so, ready to close his mouth and never open it again if the other boy broke his promise. 

"Your teeth fell out! Lucky! Mama says mine are coming out too slowly, the dentist might have to take them. A thief who needs his own is what I say."

Jeremy laughed, his toothless grin no longer ready to disappear at the drop of a hat.

His teeth might be gone for a while, but at least he's got a friend to keep him company.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow?? me pushing myself onto jeremy?? no way!! Pshhhh
> 
> This is literally just me venting. don't expect any happy or good times. 
> 
> This is their senior year, jeremy took the squip as a sophmore, his mom got remarried in his junior year and gave birth the summer before he started his last year. Lee is my headcannon name of jeremiah.

His finger played with the edge of his phone case, stroking it like he used to do on Jeremy's hand. They'd sat in silence fore nearly an hour, since the dirty blonde had curled into a ball, running away from his reality. That's what he always did, the only thing he could do. 

Jeremiah Heere was a coward. 

He'd gasp for breath like his lungs couldn't get enough of it even though he wished he didn't breathe at all. His nails would dance around pale already scarred flesh, creating crescents in its passion. 

And all he could do was pretend to fall asleep. Calculating each breath he took, twitching as he knew he did in his sleep. Being held hostage in his own mind. 

"Miah? Jeremy? Do you want a ride home?" 

Michael shook him, warm tanned hands touching his back. Jeremy had to stop himself from flinching away. That would only bring suspicion, no need to worry anyone when Jeremy deserved this. 

"Nah, it's fine. I skipped working out with Jake on Sunday so this'll make up for it." 

A lie. Jeremy never skipped working out. It'd wormed its way into his daily routine. Push ups, sit ups, it didn't matter what. If he was tired enough that all he could do was hear himself gasp for breath, he didn't have to be trapped.

"You sure?"

Michael asked, eyes taking in whatever Jeremy looked like. The blonde wanted to grimace, wanted to scowl and tell the other teen that he knew what he wanted. 

Another lie. 

"Yeah."

Jeremy was drowning in lies, each one a small droplet falling from a crack, slowly threating to suffocate him. His lungs would fill with water instead of air and he wouldn't think anymore. 

They said their goodbyes, Michael lingering before closing the door behind Jeremy. As soon as the door clicked, Jeremy's tears ran. Sobs bubbled their way from his chest to out of his throat, clawing to be the first one out, racing to see who would be heard. 

Stupid. Jeremy thought as he muffled himself, hands clasped over his mouth, barely breathing through his nose. Each step felt like it grew heavier until he was walking through sludge, his pale skin getting caught in tar. His mother would hate it. She always did hate when Jeremy was dirty. She was gone though. Had gotten remarried sometime during his junior year and hadn't bothered to invite Jeremy, or when his half brother was born. 

They named him after him she said when she called when he asked for his birth certificate. Jeremiah Lee Heere, named after her grandmother. All he heard was that she finally finished replacing him. Gave her new kid the only piece of her he had left. 

What he once had, her pale skin, blue eyes, middle name. He scarred his skin, from acne to lightning bolts and crescent moons, his pale skin looking ghostly. Blue eyes, his left one was still blue, empty hollow blue. His right was dark brown, a gift from the computer he allowed to take over his body. Middle name. 

Was he ever that boy, was he ever a Lee or was he just a placeholder until she found someone else. His skin crawled at the thought and he refused the name. It wasn't his. He didn't deserve choices though, his disdain kept tightly to his heart. 

Rain drops had begun to fall at some point, increasing in numbers until it was a storm. They swirled around like they were laughing at him, dancing with another until they melted into one on the floor. Creating puddles that would clear him of the sludge, make him presentable enough to show that he too had once been human. 

Hadn't he?

At this point, was he more computer then human? The part of his brain argued that there was still a piece of him left, but the other shut that down. Humans had choices, they didn't walk through tar and breathe through smoke. They didn't panic and give themselves hives to make sure they existed and it wasn't a dream. 

He was less human then he'd ever been. A failure of flesh and bone, a waste of space, a placeholder of a name. 

The door opened before the key was even slotted in. 

"Jeremy! Michael said you were on your way hours ago, where were you?"

Jeremiah ̷L̷e̷e̷ Heere was a coward. 

"I got distracted."

An almost truth. His dad deserved that, he wasn't Michael, who got silence instead of lies. They were the tiles of the roof, letting water slip through. An assistant in what he knew would be his downfall, the end of a pathetic shell of a monster. 

"Clearly. I'm glad you're home kid. Go dry off and get to sleep."

The house was warm. Much too warm for someone like him. Warmth like Michael's hands, how the tanned boy was the good, the warmth to his dreary and cold sludge. 

"I'm home."

A lie. 

He hadn't had a home since he'd swallowed that computer. He was a ghost, haunting people's lives, trapped in his own mind for eternity.


End file.
